Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
