official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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