whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
