Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
