bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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