I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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