You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
