so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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