You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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