ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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