Grow some girl-balls and come out already
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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