yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
