I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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