Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Randomize
