Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
