So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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