god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
