Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
