SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
