fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize