I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
