she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
