He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
