Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
