You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't deserve a penis
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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