I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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