Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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