I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
