One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
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