I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
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