If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
