I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
