How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
