you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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