I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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