Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I forget how to act sober
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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