i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize