Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
