GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
