4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You need Xanax blowdarts
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
