She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
