Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
