Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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