If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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