I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
a search helicopter?!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
