Jerry, you need to find god
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
