Rock
Scissors
Fuck
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
