Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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