Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
