I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you had me at cake vodka
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
