Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
