My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
