last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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