the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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