i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
