You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize