Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Randomize
