Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
