My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
