What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
