Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
