Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
