I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
