we have officially lost it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
