We got so high we made milksteak
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
