i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
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