We're facebook friends in real life
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
