Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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