I looked at my own cervix.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
