i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
