i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
