He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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