Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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