high people should be assigned attendants
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
