We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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