I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We have started to decorate penises.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
