i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
